Things got heated in the Top Chef Masters Kitchen this week in more ways than one.
For the QuickFire challenge this week, the chefs were given the task of creating an aphrodisiac dish for host Curtis Stone and burlesque queen Dita Von Teese. And yes, Curtis actually said “Create a dish that turns us on.” So the chefs pulled out the oysters, chocolate, champagne and cilantro. *Record scratch* Cilantro? I know, right? Chef Lorena clearly doesn’t know Cilantro is like anal play. You either love it or hate it. Wait, did I really just go there? I checked and I did. Wow. If there was ever a time to make such a terrible sex joke, it was now. So I’m forgiven.
During the judging, Vita and Curtis seemed to be very aroused and they may or may not have paused production to run to the nearest hotel. That’s not really a bad visual. OK, this recap is getting out of control. Let me get back to the business at hand. That’s what she said. OK, done. Promise.
Vita did not like Art’s Ile Flottante or Lorena’s Tuna Telitaas. Her favorite dishes were Kerry’s Seared Tuna with Uni and Takashi’s Chilled Oyster. She chooses Takashi’s dish, shown below, because she liked the way it slid down her throat. Hey, her words, not mine.
For the elimination challenge this week, the masters have to do their own version of restaurant wars, which is regular Top Chef’s most popular episode. Only this version, they’re all on the same team and they have to open a Thai restaurant. The chef’s head off to world-famous Las Vegas restaurant Lotus of Siam for some of the world’s best Thai food. After that the chefs hope into their (insert Lexus plug here – ha) and head off to Whole Foods.
We get our usual frantic Whole Foods shopping montage, followed by our usual frantic kitchen prep montage. Only this time, it feels like real Top Chef for five seconds when Patricia and Lorena get into a yelling match. And drama is over. Back to playing for charity. Zzzzzzzzzz.
The restaurant challenge is mostly a bust when you consider they’re all masters and should be able to handle a hasty restaurant opening. At critic’s table, they’re all called out for judgment. The critics loved Chris and Kerry’s dishes and in the end, it was Chris’ Sirloin Steak Larb Tartare, shown below, that was the winning dish.
As for the least favorite dishes, those honors went to Lorena, Patricia and Art. This was not Lorena’s episode, but she’s actually safe. It’s Art’s cashew-crusted chicken that sends him packing his knives this week. Oprah’s personal chef was one of the most entertaining in an already-boring-ish show. Art will be missed.