A look at what’s coming up this week in reality TV – because I’m the Head of Household and that’s how it’s gonna be:
Monday: Bad Girls Club: Mexico (Oxygen, 10 p.m.): In a development that should do wonders for international relations, the longtime franchise goes across the border for the first time, in Cabo San Lucas. Be careful, ladies: their prison system doesn’t mess around.
Opening Act (E, 10 p.m.): This new show allows unknown singers discovered online to open a concert for one of their idols. First up: young Arielle, who is paired up with Rod Stewart.
Tuesday: Destination Truth (Syfy, 8 p.m.): A fifth season of total and utter truthfulness begins with a search for the creature known as “the Bigfoot of Vietnam.”
Hardcore Pawn (TruTV, 9 p.m.): A new season begins with Seth working on his plot to take over the store, while Rich hopes to find a way back into the good graces of Les.
Kendra on Top (WE, 10 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.): Kendra has a major photo shoot in New York, and Hank tags along despite now being jobless. Is there anyone on Earth who didn’t see this coming once he was no longer drawing a pro athlete’s paycheck?
Wednesday: Dogs in the City (CBS, 8 p.m.): In the season finale, Justin Silver works with a pooch that shows anxiety around other dogs. Also, Edie Falco assists in the renovation of a shelter.
Beverly Hills Nannies (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): One look at the title and you can guess what this is about, though one supposes being on ABC Family will keep it from being as trashy as we’d like it to be.
Restaurant: Impossible (Food Network, 10 p.m.): Season 4 begins with Robert Irvine in Fayetteville, Ga. to rescue a decrepit steak-and-seafood place.
The Franchise: A Season With the Miami Marlins (Showtime, 10 p.m.): A short-run series that takes us behind the scenes of the renamed major league team. The best reason to tune in? Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen, who has one of the loosest tongues in all of sports.
Thursday: Big Brother 14 (CBS, 9 p.m.): It’s (back) awwwwwwn! A new season gets under way with 12 new houseguests, and four others we’re already very familiar with. The earliest weeks are the zaniest, so don’t miss them.
The Real L Word (Showtime, 10 p.m.): The third season begins with hot bicoastal action in both Los Angeles and New York. Isn’t this series pretty much still just Whitney and a bunch of people no one cares about?
Polyamory: Married & Dating (Showtime, 11 p.m.): A new series about open relationships: married couples who invite a third party to join in their fun and games, and so forth. I’m from the Midwest so I’m sure I will be totally scandalized.
Sunday: Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E, 9 p.m.): So we’re supposed to believe that Kim really doesn’t want to talk about her (cough) relationship with Kanye West? I’m taking bets on when the sex tape gets released.
Small Town Security (AMC, 11 p.m.):Life behind the scenes of a small private security firm in Georgia. Seems like a strange fit with Breaking Bad, but some of the folks behind this have serious documentary credentials.