A look at the week ahead in reality TV: because if Kim and Kanye get their own show, we want to be here to write about it:
Monday: Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta (VH1, 8 p.m.): This new version of the series profiles strivers in the ATL – see, I know the lingo. In the premiere, producer Stevie J. buys a house for his girlfriend. Guess his striving days are over?
Miss Advised (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Three women from the romance-industrial complex – an advice columnist, a radio talk show host, and a matchmaker – have trouble finding happiness in their own lives. What better place to find the right man than Bravo!
The Glass House (ABC, 10 p.m.): The lawsuit threat now over (we assume), it’s time for the first serious competitor to Big Brother in the “summer lab rat” genre. Episode One will introduce the 14 players, and presumably provide a little info on how all this interactivity is going to work.
Tuesday: The Catalina (CW, 8 p.m.): The hotel hosts a signing party for a book about sex in South Beach. Why didn’t I ever have a summer job like this?
Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp (Lifetime, 10 p.m.): When you’re the second-oldest child of a losing vice-presidential candidate, the next logical step is always reality TV! The first episode features Bristol being confronted by someone who dislikes her mother, and may show us if she really has the personality to carry her own series.
Love in the Wild (NBC, 10 p.m.): The teams are chained together while in a bat cave. Hey, if your relationship can’t stand minor hardships like that, it wasn’t meant to be.
Wednesday: Diamond Divers (Spike, 10 p.m.): A new series that follows several Americans who are attempting to locate diamonds off the coast of South Africa. Expect excellent scenery, and possibly, some real danger.
Health Inspectors (Food Network, 10 p.m.): This seems to be a weird new trend on the Food Network: programming that makes the consumption of food look like the most unpleasant task in the world.
Thursday: America’s Worst Tattoos (TLC, 10 p.m.): I think they could populate this show solely with people I know personally. (No honey, I’m not talking about you.)
Snooki & JWoww (MTV, 10 p.m.): MTV’s original plan, presumably, was to feature these two hot single ladies having their own booze-and-boys adventures apart from Jersey Shore. What they have now is another show about a pregnant person. I’m sure they can make it work.
Friday: Whale Wars (Animal Planet, 9 p.m.): There’s an order to abandon ship on the Brigitte Bardot. Well, it’s not like the surrounding ocean has a near-freezing temperature or anything … uh, what’s that you say?
Sunday: Ice Road Truckers (History, 9 p.m.): This week’s episode is titled “No Way Out,” which is not really what you want to hear when you’re above the Arctic Circle.
The Great Escape (TNT, 10 p.m.): The folks behind The Amazing Race have come up with this somewhat similar series, featuring teams that have to avoid obstacles and use their brains (uh-oh) to get from one place to the other. The first challenge: making it from Alcatraz to the shore.