The upcoming week in reality TV – because Adam and Xtina are fighting to read it first:
Monday: The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): The mentors are nearing the end of the team-filling-out portion of the season, where the show has answered the question, “Is it possible to waste more time on auditions than American Idol?” with a clear YES.
Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo, 9 p.m.): The fifth season finale, and everyone is getting along – oh, who am I kidding? Heather has a fundraiser and Carole has a book party, but both events are disrupted by the usual squabbles.
Gallery Girls (Bravo, 10 p.m.): The season finale finds Maggie in the running for a new job (hopefully one that pays this time), and Claudia and Chantal having what looks like a final falling out. All season long, I’ve found it hard to believe someone like Chantal isn’t actually an actress.
Tuesday: Airport 24/7: Miami (Travel, 9 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.): Life inside a major international airport, which includes mysterious shipments and undocumented passengers. I’d tell you more, but the TSA confiscated the rest of my comment.
Wednesday: The X Factor (Fox, 8 p.m.): One hour tonight because of the presidential debate. The successful auditioners head to Miami for a boot camp, so expect lots and lots of tears.
Couples Therapy (VH1, 10 p.m.): Couples therapy from the network that gave us Celebrity Rehab – what could go wrong? In the case of Courtney Stodden and doddering hubby Doug Hutchison, you could argue it already has.
American Hoggers (A&E, 10 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.): This season has been about Krystal gradually asserting herself in the family hierarchy, and in this season finale, she has to fight to keep the entire business alive.
Life After Top Chef (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Here’s how you keep some of the more memorable Top Chef participants on the air without having another all-star season (and all these folks were on the first one anyway): just have a new show that follows Richard Blais, Spike Mendelsohn, Jen Carroll, and Fabio Viviani around.
Thursday: The Next (CW, 8 p.m.): Damn, this is ending before I ever got an answer to “The next what?”
Nor’easter Men (History, 9 p.m. and 10 p.m.): If you liked everything about The Perfect Storm except watching George Clooney drown, this may be the show for you.
Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 p.m.): The party is finally winding down in Seaside Heights, and you can see the passage of time in the last season premiere, with a massively pregnant Snooki and Mike emerging from rehab.
Friday: Monsters Inside Me (Animal Planet, 8 p.m.): The series about the joy of parasitic infection returns. Coincidentally, it’s also how Lindsay Lohan describes her average Friday night.
Saturday: Billy the Exterminator (A&E, 10 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.): One more season of critter-catchin’ commences, including pit vipers, ants, and some big thing swimming around. Will there be any mention made of Billy’s recent arrest?
Sunday: Big Rich Texas (Style, 8 p.m.): New season: Whitney says she’s moving in with her boyfriend, Melissa hammers Leslie as a gold digger (is that bad in these circles?) and Kalyn thinks about leaving her job.