The week ahead in reality TV – because Nicki Minaj thinks this is all a joke:
Monday: Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.): The final 11 all-stars offer their salutes to “legendary” DWTS performances of the past – except for Bristol Palin, who will probably move her feet once or twice and call it a tango.
The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): The beginning of the battle rounds, which is also the part of every Voice season where viewer interest begins to wane. Changing things up this season: mentors are now permitted to steal one singer from another team.
Tuesday: Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Here’s how Lifetime is getting around the hiatus on Dance Moms: a new show featuring its star-bully Abby Lee Miller. The prize here ain’t half bad: $100,000 and a scholarship to New York’s Joffrey Ballet School.
Keyshia & Daniel: Family First (BET, 10 p.m.): Singer Keyshia Cole gets another reality show, this one focused on her marriage to the NBA’s Daniel Gibson. The premiere focuses on their wedding.
Wednesday: Survivor: Philippines (CBS, 8 p.m.): Someone believes that revealing an eye-opening fact about their childhood will keep them safe in the game. That doesn’t sound very logical, but stranger things happen on Survivor all the time.
The X Factor (Fox, 8 p.m.): Boot camp comes to an end, and the judges begin their personal mentoring. And I don’t know about you, but I suspect this is where the keen intellectual insights of Britney Spears are really going to come into play.
Duck Dynasty (A&E, 10 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.): The first season of this show was a hilarious discovery. We’ll see if the magic is still there in Season 2, which commences with the guys involved in a lawnmower race.
Thursday: Project Runway (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): The first part of the season finale, with the final four being cut to three prior to the Fashion Week climax. With the way presumed favorites have been falling lately, I couldn’t begin to guess what’s happening here.
Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 p.m.): Reaction to the premiere seems to be that the magic has just about gone out of the show now that everyone is all sober and pregnant, so maybe that cancellation happened just in time.
Friday: Shark Tank (ABC, 8 p.m.): There has been an innovation in spatula design, which is good news for someone who likes waffles as much as I do … and look! There are also waffles on this week’s episode! I’m totally in!
Cheer! (CMT, 10 p.m.): The season finale finds the Jersey girls heading to the world championships, despite all their ups and downs over the last few weeks. As long as they retire that one damn song, I’m rooting for them.
Sunday: Married to Jonas (E, 10 p.m.): A secret is revealed that threatens to spoil a vacation in Italy. I don’t think “The Jonas Brothers are history!” really qualifies as a secret any more.
Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Is there anything left to say about this season that hasn’t already been said? If so, this third reunion hour ought to find it.