Here’s the week ahead in reality TV – because a TAR cabbie drove me to Manitoba by mistake.
Monday: The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): The coaches face the task of trimming their teams even further with the introduction of the new “knockout round.” I know this is different than the “battle round,” but I’m not sure how.
American Chopper (Discovery, 9 p.m.): The ninth season begins with Senior and Junior butting heads over a project. They’re not exactly breaking new ground, are they?
Hoarders (A&E, 9 p.m.): This is a new twist: a break-in results in part of a hoard actually being stolen. What are the odds that a frustrated family member hired the burglar?
Tuesday: Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.): The results show features performances by Jason Mraz and Taylor Swift. Before the hour is over, they will meet, date, break up, and Taylor will have written a #1 song about his cheating ass.
Giuliana & Bill (Style, 8 p.m.): Bill prepares for the move into a new home, while Giuliana heads to the London Olympics and talks to former royal nannies. I think one of them is getting the better of this deal.
Wednesday: Couples Therapy (VH1, 10 p.m.): Will Courtney accept the demand that she begin dressing appropriately for therapy? When she said on the last episode that concerning her attire, “I’m open to tweaking,” it might have been the most double-edged comment in reality show history.
Face-Off (Syfy, 10 p.m.): Perfectly timed for Halloween, the makeup artist competition reaches the end of its season.
Thursday: Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 p.m.): The Situation is “confused” about how one behaves in a relationship. I’m sure it would be shorter to list the things that don’t confuse him.
Friday: Undercover Boss (CBS, 8 p.m.): Back ahead of schedule because some other things weren’t working for CBS on Friday, the season premiere features Mitchell Modell of Modell’s Sporting Goods.
Brides of Beverly Hills (TLC, 10 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.): The second season opener is highlighted by Linda Hogan trying on wedding gowns, even though she’s not actually getting married. Yeah, that’s totally normal for a middle-aged woman who has been married once before.
Saturday: Pit Bulls and Parolees (Animal Planet, 10 p.m.): While Tia and a new parolee are away on a rescue mission, a flash flood threatens the ranch.
Sunday: The Amazing Race (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): Time is a guesstimate as always during football season. The race moves to Istanbul. This will be the halfway point of the season, and we’ve yet to go any place where there are plenty of English speakers. I approve.
Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo, 9 p.m.): A fifth season begins with my surprise that NeNe Leakes is still a part of this mess, what with her acting career coming along so well. Our familiar cast has been joined by former Miss USA Kenya Moore, who presumably won’t be Miss Congeniality.
The Next Iron Chef: Redemption (Food Network, 9 p.m.): I guess it’s “redemption” because most of these characters were on previous editions. The first challenge of the new season: cook with the ingredient that did them in the first time around.