It had been 1.5 weeks real time since Jax Taylor and Stassi Schroeder ended their two-year relationship on Vanderpump Rules.
In that time, they both had rebound boink-fests with fellow co-workers, and as of this week’s episode, both those situations had crashed and burned. Gosh, and I was SO sure Jax was going to end up marrying Laura-Leigh after all that passionate bathroom sex they had, weren’t you?
The show opened with Jax and Laura-Leigh going to a sauna where they went to sweat out all their toxins. Afterward, as Laura-Leigh was all giddy, she asked if she could hang at Jax’s pad that night when he was working. Jax suggested they slow things down a bit, since they’d basically spent 24/7 together for the past week. Oh wait — he wanted to slow everything down except the sex part. What a guy.
She said she understood where he was coming from, but seemed oblivious to the writing that was on the wall. Later, she invited him to meet her at her 12-step meeting, where he heard horrifying stories of her meth addiction, and about how she robbed her own family to feed her drug habit. Oh sure, Laura-Leigh, I’d love for you to hang at my house while I’m not there.
Needless to say, he tried again after the meeting to ask her for some space. But he wasn’t direct with her because in the end, he still wanted to tap that, he just didn’t want to talk to her.
Meanwhile, even though Stassi had freed herself of Frank, she still hadn’t found time to turn in one fashion column that she was supposed to be writing for her friend/editor/Lisa Vanderpump’s daughter, Pandora. According to Pandora, Stassi hadn’t done her twice-weekly article for two months. Nice work ethic!
Lisa and Pandora discussed how Stassi was more of a pain in the ass than she was useful, but in the end, Stassi turned on the pity waterworks — Oh poor me, my boyfriend cheated! Oh, poor me, my friend started screwing him when we broke up! — and the women decided to give her one more chance. Only on TV are one’s personal problems a valid excuse for being a crappy employee.
At SUR, Laura-Leigh decided to confront Stassi, which resulted in Stassi berating her some more. Stassi said Jax had been texting her this whole time, and that Jax was just using her for sex. I mean, it’s true and all, but Stassi’s method of delivery ranks among the Top 10 Bitchiest People On Reality TV ever, so it came across even more condescending than normal.
Soon after that, Jax sat down with Stassi, said he still loved her, acknowledged he treated her like crap, and begged to get his woman back. She was all, “you have a girlfriend.” He said Laura-Leigh was “a distraction” and he would pinch her off immediately if it meant Stassi might reconsider their relationship. “I’m not going to be with anyone ever again until I get you back,” he said.
However, instead of letting Laura-Leigh in on the new developments, he just stopped talking to her, defriended her on Facebook and pretended she never existed. I mean, really, it’s not like they were ever going to see each other again anyway. It’s not like they work together or anything.
Naturally, Laura-Leigh knew where to find Jax, and confronted him while he was serving customers afternoon cocktails. He calmly told her he wasn’t trying to have this conversation at work. She said he didn’t have a choice since he wouldn’t return any of his calls or texts. “You can’t keep cowering out of this conversation,” she squeaked at him, saying that he should have enough respect for her to dump her to her face.
As the customers stared at her like she was looney tunes, she clued them in on the haps. “Sorry, but we were dating and he just stopped talking to me with no explanation,” she told them.
Once they left, Laura-Leigh kept going off on him as Stassi listened and smirked nearby. Jax finally relented, and said he was still in love with Stassi and wanted to try and work things out with her.
But it was Laura-Leigh who dealt the final blow. In between a bunch of other falsetto ramblings, she screamed: “I’ve been f***ing you without protection!”
Uh-oh! Is there another Jax pregnancy scandal in the making?