The only thing more entertaining than watching a bunch of older, wealthy women argue every week is to see younger, struggling beautiful people competing for money and attention and fame. That was likely the idea behind Bravo’s new show, Vanderpump Rules, which follows the young people who work at Lisa Vanderpump’s (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) trendy restaurant and lounge, Sur.
All are aspiring fame seekers, and waiting tables is their current means of paying the rent. The premise of the show seems to be that they all hang out together both inside and outside work, and boink each other, and argue and struggle to manage their Beautiful People Problems.
The show opened after a clever segue at the end of RHOBH during which main character Scheana apologized to Brandi Glanville for havign an affair with her ex-husband, Eddie Cibrian, while Brandi was pregnant with his second child.
Scheana has just been promoted to Sur from Lisa’s other restaurant, Villa Blanca, and the women on the Sur staff are shunning her because she’s a “homewrecker,” “husband stealer,” “fame whore,” “man-stealer,” “star f***er” and a litany of other adjectives bestowed upon her by her nemesis and mean girl ringleader, Stassi.
Lisa laid low in the first episode, only meeting with her partner to make menu changes and discuss how dysfunctional the staff is.
And boy, are they. Here’s an introduction to the group:
SCHEANA — Scheana made her apologies to Brandi during Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She seemed sincere and she WAS young(er) and dumb(er) at the time, so we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
As it turns out, though, being a homewrecker is a big deal to Stassi, who is dating the bartender, Jax, and seems entirely too insecure about their relationship. Scheana is the immediate outcast in the Sur chick clique, and the girls are so horrid to her, that she instantly becomes the sympathetic character.
That is, until she stepped into the music studio. An aspiring actress, Scheana is also recording a music single, because, she said, “Being a pop star is about being a performer, not a singer.” Her “performance” in the studio didn’t involve singing, but groaning fake orgasms into the microphone in front of a studio full of dudes. Not exactly helping her slut image.
Scheana has some nondescript boyfriend who can’t be on her roster for long. She’s too hot and socially ambitious to date some schlub.
STASSI — Mean girl Stassi (pronounced STAH-see) rubbed us the wrong way immediately with her stupid name. Then, to cement her position as HBIC (Head Bitch in Charge), she called Scheana a man-stealer about five thousand times; got mad at her boyfriend, Jax, for daring speak to the new girl; rallied the other girls in shunning Scheana; insisted she herself was a descendent of a Swedish princess, but then admitted that she was also the devil.
Stassi admits that when she doesn’t like a new person, she’ll do anything to get them to quit. She apparently gets away with these shenanigans because she’s Lisa’s daughter’s friend. Lisa must be thrilled with the company Pandora keeps.
But the icing on Stassi’s bitch cake came when Scheana showed up for work wearing a similar uniform (which, for the record, is essentially a neck scarf draped around a size 2 body). “Everyone know the gray-blue color dress is my dress,” Stassi said. “You just don’t go there.” That’s great, because when someone hauls off and gives Stassi a shiner, it will complement her ensemble.
JAX — He’s a working model, a bartender at Sur, and Stassi’s better half, which isn’t really saying much. So far, he’s much more likeable than his woman. He met with all of his friends to discuss how possessive his girlfriend is, and bemoan how he’s at her beck and call. But I’m sure he’ll end up being an ass, too, because we find it hard to believe anyone on this show will be entirely endearing.
TOM – An aspiring actor/model/musician, Tom is also a bartender, Jax’s pal, and lived with girlfriend Kristen (below). Tom preens more in one sitting than most women do in a week. Armed with his CHI flat iron and 50 hair products, this dude is only slightly less hair-helmety than Jersey Shore’s Pauly D. Tom’s hair does move a tiny bit, but Tom shaves his freakin’ forehead, people. He’s been
monopolizing bathroom counters with dating Kristen for four years.
KRISTEN — Aspiring actress, and Tom’s girlfriend. Seems easy-going and down to earth… I mean, you’d have to be if your man was crowding you out of the bathroom, right? We can’t understand Stassi’s power over this girl quite yet, but they, along with Katie, are all best friends.
KATIE – We watched an hour of this show, and could barely tell the difference between Katie and Kristen. Katie is also brunette and skinny and dating a guy named Tom, except her Tom doesn’t work at Sur and his hair doesn’t look like Empire State Building. The only way we could tell Katie and Kristen apart was to see which one was kissing on hair helmet Tom.
What do you think of Vanderpump Rules?